How does one go about opening a bottle of beer when (gasp) there are no bottle openers present?
Twist off is not an option. And, anything involving using one's teeth should be omitted (safety first!)
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Almost anything can be used to open a bottle of beer. What we used as university students: spoon (fork, knife), key, table, park bank, fence, another bottle of beer.
My preferred way (when there's no bottle opener) is to use a spoon (I hold the spoon differently but this way is also worth consideration):
Using another (closed) bottle:
If you are outside you can use any hard surface. Place the bottle as in picture and push on it or hit slightly. Keep in mind that wood can be damaged by a bottle cap.
The most common method that I have seen and used is "ye ol' lighter trick." With which, one uses the butt of an igniting lighter as a lever and one's own finger as the fulcrum. Technique is important with this one because one can really cut/scratch up one's knuckles if this is done improperly.
Another nifty trick that I have seen and tried (though my technique could use a bit of improvement) is using a ring on your finger... Albeit, the ring should be strong (steel or the like) because the rigid edges of the bottle caps will really bite into and damage precious metals, like softer golds and .925 silver...